Tag Archive: wedding


Celebrating Marriage

IMG_0085My husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in May!  As I think about being married to him over the last 25 years, I like this Bible verse, “…I found the one my heart loves…,” (Song of Songs 3:4 NIV).

I feel like we have been celebrating marriage a lot around here over the last year.  My daughter and her husband got married last summer and since that time two of my cousins and one of my nieces have gotten married.  And one of my nephews will be married very soon.

All of that means that I have been having fun giving bridal showers over the last year and sharing about marriage, which I have shared some of here on my blog.  If you missed them, here are the links to three of the posts:

https://lorischulz.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/communication-mishap/

https://lorischulz.wordpress.com/2013/03/10/seeing-spots/

https://lorischulz.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/making-a-marvelous-marriage-now-and-later/

But not only are we celebrating marriages around here, we’re also celebrating wedding anniversaries.  My daughter and her husband celebrated their first anniversary in June, my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary in May, and my parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary very soon.  So in honor of celebrating marriage, let’s have some fun!

Maybe you’ve only been married for a short time.  You could share about how you met or what it was that you really liked about your spouse before you were married.  Or maybe you’ve been married for a while like my husband and me.  You could share a fun story about your marriage.  Or maybe you have been married for a long time like my parents.  You could share some wisdom with us.

First I’ll share some short thoughts for each one of those and then it will be YOUR turn!

cartoongirlandboy

It’s going to seem silly when you read this, but here is how my husband and I met and what I liked about him.

I remember when I first saw my husband.  We were at a family camp with our church.  At the beginning of the camp, they had the families that had not previously attended this camp go up to the stage at the front.  Then they invited the other families to choose a new family and invite them to have dinner with them to make them feel welcome.  That was when I saw him.  He was on the stage with his family and he was very cute.  I leaned over to my dad and told him that that tall boy with the blonde hair was really cute and asked my dad to choose that family to have dinner with.  My dad tried, but another family got the dinner.  However, my parents invited them to have dinner with us anyway.  That was when I met my future husband.  (Thanks, Mom and Dad!)  We were in high school then and we’ve been together ever since.  And he still is very cute!  Yep, that’s what I liked about him at first.  But now I know him better and he is a man that I respect so much.  I’m very glad to be his wife.

So, how did you meet your spouse?  What was it that drew you to him or her?

cartoonfamily

Now I’ll share a story about marriage.  I don’t know why this one came to mind – we have so many stories – but here it is.

One day a few years ago while we were eating dinner, my daughter observed something and shared it out loud.  She was a teenager at the time and we have two boys also.  I have no idea what the conversation was, but I remember what she said.  She noticed my husband and me discussing something, probably about something one of the kids wanted to do, I don’t really know, but she said, “You two talk to each other with your eyes.”  She was right.  We couldn’t discuss out loud whatever we wanted to say at the time, but that didn’t keep us from “talking” with each other!

I’d love to hear your stories about being married!

cartoonbrideandgroomblack

Now it’s time for some marriage wisdom.  I enjoy reading books about marriage and learning more every day.  It’s great to have a good marriage!  One bit of wisdom that I think is really good for everyone is remembering to forgive.  My husband and I attended the FamilyLife “Love Like You Mean It Marriage Cruise” a few years ago.  It was so much fun and we can’t wait to have the opportunity to go again sometime.  On the cruise we listened to several speakers and I sat there thinking that I wished someone had told us those things 20 years ago because we had to learn them all on our own.  Kirk Cameron and his wife, Chelsea, were two of the speakers.  Chelsea spoke about forgiveness.  She said that when we don’t forgive, we keep that person in that place of where they did something wrong.  They don’t want to be kept there.  They want to be forgiven and change and be the person that they really want to be.  We need to forgive them so that we both can move on.  I have a wonderful husband, but we all need forgiveness.  I’m glad that my husband is quick to forgive me!  After that cruise we were able to attend one of FamilyLife’s “Weekend to Remember” Couple’s Getaways.  What a fun time!  My other bit of wisdom is for everyone to attend that weekend.  The weekend getaways are held in many cities and you can even attend as an engaged couple.  My husband and I sent our daughter and son-in-law before they were married and they said that they were given a lot of great information to help make their marriage strong.

So, what is your bit of marriage wisdom?

I’m looking forward to reading your stories as we celebrate marriage!

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Communication Mishap

IZI0012031Have you ever told someone something and then later found out that they completely misunderstood you?  Have you had a communication mishap?

I know I’ve shared my apples story here before, but I was thinking about that communication mishap again as I prepared for a bridal shower that I was giving.  You see, my family has a tradition that we started years ago on Saturday mornings.  Over the years we have had busy seasons and days when it didn’t work, but usually on Saturday mornings we have time to make breakfast and eat together.  Since we have only one child at home now, he usually gets to choose what we make.

Well, the other day I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and I heard him say “apples.”  I thought that was kind-of odd because he usually asks for pancakes or waffles, but I figured he just wanted apples that morning.  And I have to admit, I was disappointed because I was hoping for waffles.  But I cut up an apple and set it on the table in front of him.  Then my husband came in and asked him why he had an apple and he said, “I don’t know.”  So I said, “You asked for apples.”  And he said, “No, I asked for waffles.”  Then I said, “Oh, I thought you said ‘apples.’”  So then we all laughed, ate some apple slices and I started making waffles for breakfast.  And everything was fine.  In fact, since then they have been calling our Saturday morning waffles “apples.”

But what if I hadn’t found out that my son had really said waffles?  He would have eaten the apple and gone on with his day probably sad that I gave him apples and confused because he knew what he had said and he expected me to hear what he had said.  And I would have been disappointed because I had wanted to have waffles for breakfast.  Instead of our quickly resolved communication mishap, we could have had a very confused boy and a disappointed mom.

The problem with that kind of communication mishap is that it also happens in marriage.  We may not say waffles and apples, but we do say that we love each other.  The other day I was reading in Philippians and came across this verse about love.  It is Philippians 1:9, “And this is my prayer:  that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” (NIV).  Paul was writing this to the believers in Philippi, but it is good for all believers, and especially married couples.  We want our love for each other to abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight.  But how do we do that?

One way is to learn how to communicate with each other in ways that we each understand so that when we say “waffles” – or “I love you,” our spouse will hear “waffles” – or “I love you,” not something else like “apples.”  Gary Chapman explains this in his book, “The Five Love Languages.”  He states that there are five love languages and that we tend to speak our own love language.  The problem with that is that our spouse may not speak our love language.  They may speak one of the other love languages.  So when we speak our love language to our spouse, if that’s not their love language, they don’t hear “I love you,” they hear something else like “apples.”  But they want to hear “I love you” because apples don’t really mean much.  So it’s important to know what our own love language is and also to find out what our spouse’s love language is.  Here is the list of the five love languages that Chapman writes about:  Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.

If Words of Affirmation is your spouse’s love language, then they like to hear words of praise and appreciation so tell them that you appreciate specific things that they do.  If Acts of Service is their love language, then your actions will mean more than your words to them so do things that help them out, like refilling their glass of Mountain Dew.  If Receiving Gifts is important to your spouse, then be sure to remember their birthday, Christmas, your anniversary and also some “no occasion” days.  Now don’t go overboard on your gifts.  They will probably be very happy with some of those 99-cent cards from the grocery store.  Quality Time may be your spouse’s love language.  If it is, then take time to give them your undivided attention.  Turn off the TV, put down the newspaper and spend some time talking and interacting with each other.  And the last one, Physical Touch.  If that’s their love language, then reach out and touch them.  They will enjoy holding hands with you.

So just like Paul prayed for the Philippian believers that their love would abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, our marriages also can grow as we learn to speak love to our spouse in the ways that they hear love.  Then when we say or do things that say “I love you” they will hear “I love you” and not “apples.”  Because we don’t want to be confused or disappointed through communication mishaps.

**  Here is the link to my original apples and waffles story:  lorischulz.wordpress.com/2012/10/14/wanting-waffles-and-getting-apples/

Recently my mom and I had the privilege of giving my cousin’s fiancee a bridal shower.  I love giving bridal showers!  What a fun time of blessing!  It is so much fun to plan activities that the bride will enjoy and be blessed by.  I also enjoy shopping for a gift to help the couple as they begin their lives together.  All those gifts are so wonderful, but it just doesn’t seem right to simply send the bride-to-be away with only a carload of nice things for her new home.  There is so much more to marriage than just nice towels, new dishes and a coffee maker.

My husband and I have been married for 24 years now and we have a great marriage.  I truly love that man more now than I did on the day that we got married.  But I talk to so many ladies who are not in the same place that I am and I see their hurt and I know that that could easily have been me.  I am so thankful to God and to my husband for my marriage.  God made marriage to be such a wonderful thing between a man and a woman and I know that it can be.  I want to do what I can to help others.  At the same time that I was planning for this shower, I was also getting ready for my Good News Club that I teach for kids.  At the time I had some “Now and Later” candies.  You know, because God promises to love you “now” and He promises to love you “later.”  What a coincidence!  I had to share with with my new friend who will soon marry my cousin about how when we get married we promise to love each other “now” and we also promise to love each other “later!”

My husband and I just recently read the book by Tim Keller, “The Meaning of Marriage.”  Keller says so many neat things in this book.  I think this one statement that he makes is very important.  He writes, “When you marry, you’ve gotten into something that was invented by God.  And if you determine to run your marriage your way, you’re in for a lot of trouble, because marriage is God’s institution.  He built it to be the primary relationship in your life” (131).  I really like that.  I see three important points in that statement.  1.  We don’t want to do marriage our way.  2.  We do want to do marriage God’s way.  And 3.  Marriage has to take top priority.

So why would marriage have to take top priority?  Because I think that it is very easy for other things to take top priority.  Think kids, career, friends, hobbies….  Not only that, but people are just different and that can make life difficult at times.  There was a Hagar the Horrible comic on Sunday, August 19, 2012, in our newspaper that I thought was good.  Hagar’s dad was up on the “Hill of Knowledge” and he finally found out the “one great secret of life.”  He tells Hagar that he wants to tell him this “one great secret of life” and Hagar really wants to know.  Hagar shouts, “What is it, Dad?  What is it?”  Hagar’s dad answers, “Women think differently than men!”  That is so true.  I didn’t know that when I got married, but I know that now.  We think differently.  So we need to keep our marriage top priority and work on understanding each other and honoring each other.  Not only do we think differently, we just are different.  We are raised in different families in different places with different traditions.  We’re just different.

We also must make our marriage top priority because people change.  Somewhere in Tim Keller’s book he mentioned that he was married to something like 15 different women, but all were his one same wife.  She just had changed so many times.  I know I am not the same person that I was 24 years ago.  People change.

So if we do marriage our way we will end up having a lot of trouble.  I see that a lot.  One problem is that over time we begin to see faults in our spouse.  We used to only see all of those wonderful qualities in them, and now we focus on the faults.  Their faults.  Not ours.  When that happens some people will lower their expectations for happiness that they had when they got married and decide just to do their best to get along with each other.  And then they end up living more like roommates than husband and wife.  Or they begin to fight with each other and blame that other person for their own unhappiness.  Or, since this person isn’t making them happy anymore, they start looking for someone better.  None of these are how God created marriage to be.  But these are things that happen when we choose to focus on our spouse’s faults instead of choosing to see their good qualities and think about the person that God is making them to be.

So we need to do marriage God’s way.  How do we do that?  God gives us some great advice in Ephesians 5:33.  Check this out.  “…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).  For me, knowing that my husband loves me is the most important thing.  I need him to tell me that he loves me every day.  I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I think that he might have changed his mind even though he has done nothing wrong.  I just need to know.  And if that is so important to me, than I’m pretty sure that a wife’s respect must be equally important to a husband.  Remember Hagar’s dad’s one great secret of life?  Women think differently than men.  Yes we do!  And men think differently than women.

So it is true that our husband needs us to respect him.  He needs to know that we admire him.  I think that we truly do respect our husbands, but often times we say things and do things that to our husband says “I don’t respect you” and we never meant that.  But we think differently.  Here’s a little hint.  If your husband is angry about something and you have no idea what that is, maybe you did something that he felt was disrespectful to him.  Just sayin’.

So if respect is so important to our husband, what else is?  We want to be a good wife, right?  Well, he also needs to know that we are on his side.  We need to give him our personal support.  Even when he is dreaming out loud or whatever.  We need to let him know that we are on his team.

Also, it is important to him that we join him in doing the things that he enjoys doing.  So whatever recreational activity that he enjoys, let’s join him!  I learned something about this that totally blows my mind.  You know how as women we long for our husband to talk to us.  You know, really talk with us.  We want him to tell us what he’s thinking and how he is feeling.  And when he will have those deep emotional conversations with us, we feel so close to him.  Well, that is the same way that he feels when we join him in enjoying the things that he likes to do!

One other thing, marital privileges are great, but he won’t truly enjoy them unless he knows that we enjoy them, too.  So we need to physically respond to him.

(I have to thank Shaunti Feldhaun for the books that she has written and for the time that I got to hear her speak on the Family Life Marriage Cruise a couple years ago.  Thank you, Shaunti!  And thank you, Family Life!  I have learned so much from you!)

So in order to have a good marriage “now” and also “later” we need to make marriage our top priority and remember to seek God’s way for marriage and not just do it our own way.  My hope for my new friend is that she and my cousin will have a great marriage, “Now and Later!”